The Simple Systems That Create Peace ( How to Stop Living in Constant Chaos ) - 10

Miranda Leigh: So have you ever noticed how one thing out of place eventually turn into 10? ⁓ pile of laundry becomes three. ⁓ missed appointment turns into feeling behind. ⁓ room gets cluttered and suddenly the whole house feels chaotic. ⁓ ignored conversation turns into distance in a relationship. ⁓ missed quiet time ⁓ weeks of feeling disconnected from God. ⁓ been thinking a lot about this lately, and ⁓ broken window. Can I be really honest for a minute? I think one thing I've learned the hard way is that I cannot expect everyone else in my family to follow systems that I haven't implemented myself. I can't complain that nobody knows what's going on if I haven't communicated it to them. I can't complain that nobody helps if I haven't delegated it to them. I can't complain that my schedule feels chaotic when I have not created structure. Guys, I can't complain that my home feels overwhelming if I haven't taken ownership of the atmosphere that I am helping to create. And friend, that is not condemnation, that is empowerment. Because ownership gives you something fear never can. And it is influence, my friend. Theory, guys, the idea is so simple, okay? When a broken window is left unrepaired, it sends a message that nobody cares. And before long, more windows get broken. More damage happens, more neglect flows. Why? Okay? Because what isn't addressed eventually becomes accepted. And friend, I seriously think a lot of us have broken windows in our lives right now that we're not even seeing. Not because we're lazy, not because Ownership says maybe I can't control everything, but I can control what I do next. And that is where peace begins. Guys, this is what we're gonna dive today is talking about the difference between ownership and control when you are implementing systems. So your house, your home, what you are responsible for, can function the way that God has designed for it to function. Okay? So I think sometimes we confuse ownership with control, right? Ownership says I'll take responsibility for my We're failing, not because we're bad moms or wives or leaders or whatever, but because life is full. Sometimes when life gets full, we stop repairing the little things. Then suddenly we're overwhelmed by all things. So let me ask you something today. What's the broken window in your life right now? What is the one thing that you've been stepping over, that you've been ignoring, that you've been telling yourself that you will deal with later? Maybe it's your calendar. Maybe it's your health. part and control says I'll take responsibility for everyone's part. I have totally been there. Let me just say that first and foremost, okay? That's where I think so many women get exhausted because we've become so responsible for things that God never asked for us to carry. Guys, ownership is healthy. Control is heavy. One creates peace, the other creates burnout. All right? And can we talk about something for a second that I think that is so Maybe it's your marriage, your finances, your peace, right? Because what I've learned, chaos rarely shows up overnight. It usually starts with one broken window. So let me ask you a few questions. Where do you feel the most overwhelmed right now? Undervalued, underrated, because people don't want to talk about this word because it feels just so foreign. And that is the word humility. Okay? Because sometimes the strongest thing that you can do is admit this is too much. This is not forever. Not because you're failing. Not because you're weak. Say these answers out loud. 'Cause remember, what is brought to light, guys, it that darkness can't exist anymore. So where do you feel the most overwhelmed? And just keep it real with yourself. What do you guys feel that keeps falling through the cracks? Not because simply you are human, okay? Some seasons require more support. Some seasons require more grace. Some seasons require that you wave the white flag and say, hey, I need help over here. And I want you to know that that is absolutely no shame. There's no shame in that. Mine was like organization. I feel like once I would get organized, then things would just get right back t to chaos and the organization can be there, but I'm not implementing organization with my kids, specifically with my children. Guys, what conversations have you been avoiding? And I'm just gonna give you a real life example of where I'm at right now, okay? There's some times where there's homemade dinner. It's on the table. I had time to actually bake and enjoy being in the kitchen because I love personally being in the kitchen. Guys, there's days where dinner comes through a drive-thru, right? There are days when my laundry is folded, and there are days when it's still sitting in baskets or on our bed. ⁓ And what would happen if you finally addressed that one thing to start repairing that broken window? What would happen? I could promise you, because I felt it, that you will start feeling peace again. You can almost feel like you can breathe a little bit deeper. Things just feel a little bit lighter. Because guys, sometimes we're praying for God to remove chaos while he's asking us to repair the window. Off the floor, right? There's days where it runs smoothly and there's days where it feels like it's falling apart. There's days where somebody's sick, the plans fall apart, and we're just trying to survive until bedtime. And there's days where you are actually thriving and it feels like everything is the way that it is designed to be. But you know what? Neither of those days determine my worth, and it does not determine your worth either. Because peace is not found in perfection. Peace is found in giving yourself grace while continuing to move forward. Right. And I believe that takes ownership and humility. Okay. And this is where where it gets so real for me because the systems start with me. This is what I explained to you guys earlier. This stuff's not going to work if I don't follow it. Right? And honestly, at the end of the day, it's just taking ownership of it. Because on the other side of it, ownership without humility, guys, it becomes pride. And there are seasons where the answer isn't trying harder. The answer is seriously asking for help. You know, some of us don't need another planner. We need support. Some of us don't need another checklist. We might need community. Some of us don't need more discipline. We might need rest, right? And there's no shame in admitting that. But when we become the CEO of the home, we gotta remember we are the visionary. Okay. And one thing that I've learned, especially with having four children, a husband, we are busy. We all have jobs. We all have responsibilities. There's sports, there's things that we want to do. There's ministry time on the weekends. You know, there's events, there's things that you want to do. You fill in the blank, right? And I truly believe that if we do not learn what it is to put our home in order, guys, it's gonna run us. I can promise you there. I can promise you. Okay. Because I've been there where it feels like, why can I We create structure, culture, alignment, you know? And remember, guys, if you go back to read Proverbs, go to the Proverbs 31 woman and understand who she is. She wasn't running around trying to be every employee. She was stewarding. She was leading. She was planning. She was creating an environment where her family could thrive. And somewhere along the way, many women stopped from being the CEO, and we try to become every employee. And that's why we're exhausted. Why does everything feel so chaotic? Why does like nothing feel like it is staying in alignment? Guys, it's because I haven't delegated. As the helper, right? The biblical helper of our home, my husband is called. From the word, it even states, of being the protector and the provider. And the woman is called to be the helper, right? So my job technically does not require me to go to a job working 12 hours a day, living in this grind of you gotta go, you gotta do more. I really feel like we as a body have done ourselves such a disservice of you know, really clouding the roles of a male and a female. Now, listen, I Right? And I wanna encourage you guys on something. I was praying about this, and I honestly started doing this in my family. And I pray that this blesses you because every time I say that it say it and it just blesses me even more, okay? So ⁓ this is not another complicated system. It's just four questions. Whenever life feels chaotic, I want you to ask yourself these four questions. What needs repaired? That's your broken window. Okay? So simply, what needs repaired? What needs removed? Guys, this is unnecessary pressure. Understand that there are times where women have to work. We just gotta get things done. And I get that. I I have lived in that role for many, many years. And guys, that for me led me to burnout. Okay. And I understand that there are seasons of transition. And you know, that's okay too. I want you guys to know that it all comes just like consider it just kind of like a wave, all right? There's times where you're gonna be riding this wave and everything feels good, and there's times where you need to pivot and you need to shift, and that is okay, but. What needs to be delegated? That's number three. What do you need to delegate? Someone else who can help, right? And finally, what needs scheduled? matters mo most to you? ⁓ it. ⁓ ⁓ peace isn't built through perfection, ⁓ it's built through small intentional decisions repeated over time. So want to share with you guys what those four look like for me. ⁓ You you probably have these thoughts going in your head, but ⁓ this so fun. So. ⁓ One thing that I I mentor a lot of women, I see a lot of women, I talk to a lot of women, and it seems like we keep coming up with this same. Like I I hear often that we all talk about the same thing and it's there's no structure. I feel like my house is a mess. Things are falling apart. Like how am I supposed to manage my my career and my home? And I don't feel that we need to pick one or the other. I just think we need to make space for all of it, if that's what you feel that you were called to do. So I wanted to share something with you guys that works for me. This might not work for everybody, but there's like practical tips. When I started creating, you know, our own method, you know, in the broken window theory, this is not something that I came up with. You know, again, I heard it from this woman on Instagram who heard it from someone else, right? And which I think these theories are fantastic because if we actually look at it, it's like, can we actually delegate this into our life? Or is it just words that she's saying or is this legit, right? So, what needed repaired? Okay. Guys, weekends get crazy for us. Weekends are in And steps that I've implemented in our home, I'm still implementing them. There's times where I'm reorganizing them. There's times where I'm like, hey, this isn't working. Clearly, people are not understanding what the mission is here. So we need to switch that and pivot, and that is okay. The end of the day, you can't compare your journey of your home structure to anybody else. But I personally feel, and the reason I'm talking about home right now, is that the responsibility of me as the woman, as the helper, is to make sure. Insane. You know, ⁓ we do a lot of ministry time on the weekends with our family. Like on Saturdays, we love to host people and create our house to be like this gathering space where we have friends that come over and we create f like a meal. Usually sometimes people will bring stuff or I'm like I do a full spread because I love to cook for people. I love to bake. And we'll have people come over. And you know, that's on Saturdays, and we talk about Jesus and then Sunday we go to church and those are our like that. home is that safe space that we can come to, that we can land. I call it it's like our resting place, right? We go to church twice on Sundays because we love to serve. We love to just refill and get, you know, filled up for us. So come Monday morning, you can already imagine what had happened from the weekend. If I don't take care of the structure and we as a family unit don't take care of those broken windows, it's gonna look like on Monday morning that this house was an abandoned house, and like what the heck even happened, right? So I said to my kids, it's this is awesome. And I learned And if this space is super disheveled, always out of order, you know, always just chaotic, guys, that's gonna set us up once we wake up to be in chaos or to come home and still feel, you know, that chaos. And it's hard to unwind. It's hard to disconnect. It's hard to really find that space that you can just decompress from the day and almost like just gaining a sense of peace. Right. One thing that I felt is with I've told you guys this before. If you haven't joined us in previous hangout sessions that we've had here, I was working for 19 years this year actually, in as a hairstylist. And I love hair artistry. I love all that. I and for the last almost 10 years I've been a business owner. And that comes with a whole other Learned this from another woman on ⁓ social media that is fantastic. She started creating a box where on her main counter, if things didn't get put away, she would pick up all of these things from the counter, put it into this box, and at the end of the week, if people in your home, right, your kids, your husband, you, right, do not, if you're looking for something specific and if it's not in the box, ⁓ you if you didn't already like put it away, ⁓ that box is still there at the end of the week, she either donates it, because apparently we didn't need. Realm of responsibilities and expectations and things that you should do, right? So now prior to that, like I didn't have, you know, this was all prior to having a husband and children. Okay. So that being said, like my perspective was different. But what I realized with after getting married and having children, I was trying to still be the CEO of my business and trying to do that at home as well, guys. And that didn't work. Okay. It was like leading to exhaust. It or we will restructure and say who needs what? Take all of these things, go put it away, right? It is creating this space where it's like if we do not have some form of unity, it's gonna get wild because usually what we do is when we come into our home, you know, this is before our broken window, you know, method was actually put to work. We would put ourselves on the counter, and then you can imagine how quickly the counter gets cluttered, right? I'm talking from book bag. Exhaustion, it was leading to blow ups, it was leading to burnout. And I'm here to tell you that it doesn't need to be that way. It doesn't need to be that way. And every season that we are in, the next season that we're going into, guys, it might require a pivot or a shift, whatever you want to call it. And I think that's beautiful because that just says that you're growing, you're learning, and we're finding ways that we can really get in flow of what flow looks like for us versus comparison and doing what. To water bottles, to food that you brought in from the car from you know, picking something up on the way home from school, or you know, things that you had from your backpack that you wanted to unpack would always go on the counter. And I'm like, okay, so now I have no room to even start cooking for dinner, right? Because this counter is also my prepping space for dinner. So the reason I'm telling you guys this is because this is very real, and I'm sure that so many of you guys can also resonate with me that it's like if things are not put in their own order, it is gonna get We gotta do to just survive right now. In this discussion, what I want to talk about is being the CEO of your home, okay, from a biblical perspective. I truly believe that women are called to help steward the home. Okay, not because we are servants to everyone, but because God has uniquely gifted us to cultivate environments where people can thrive. Okay, think about it. The CEO doesn't do every job of the company. The CEO creates vision, creates structure, creates alignment, creates. Get overwhelming, and I'd be like, I'm not even cooking tonight because I don't even have a place to put this stuff because it's gonna take more time for me to put stuff away than it would be for me to actually prepare something for you guys, so it's just easier, right, to go and order out. But guys, what we needed to do is just simply say, broken window. I I said to my kids, I was like, when things get out of control, instead of me yelling or, you know, get losing my peace, you're just gonna hear me say broken window. It's gonna have everybody stop and look around. Because if we're just getting in flow, everybody just starts going, you know, about their day, we might be stepping over the broken window that that one thing, you know, could it's just piling on and on and on and on, like I'd mentioned before. The one thing now turns to ten, right? So if I'm noticing there's socks on the ground. It's culture, and I think that's a beautiful picture of what many women do within their homes. We create rhythms, we create connection, we create environments where our families can flourish. But somewhere along the way You know, many women stopped being the CEO and started to become every employee, right? That's why we're exhausted. That's why, guys, we were never meant to be the CEO, the manager, the janitor, the accountant, the therapist, the chauffeur, chef, event coordinator, the personal assistant, all at the same time. Okay. Something eventually breaks when one person takes on the role of carrying everything. Okay. And I want you to understand, guys, my heart for this hangout that we have today. Or there's water bottles that need to be going into the dishwasher. Broken window. Pause. Everybody pauses. We look around. We stop. Okay. Number two, what needs to be removed? Unnecessary pressure, right? I don't need to be having all of those book bags going on the counter. We now have hooks on the wall where the book bags should go. I'm talking about the children right now, but that even is for me and my husband. We have our bags, like our crossbody bags, or he has a like a work, you know, backpack that he carries. This needs to go in a certain area. ⁓ this is, and this is really what I feel that God is teaching me in this season, okay? Order creates peace. Okay? Ownership creates growth. Humility invites in help, and grace fills in the gaps. The goal isn't creating a perfect system. The goal is creating enough structure that you and your family can breathe. Area because if we're bringing it all into the same gathering space area, which is where we come into our home onto our kitchen island, guys, it is going to add up again. So what now needs to be removed, right? That takes unnecessary pressure off of yourself. And it allows you to start implementing those systems. Hey, we have hooks on the wall for a reason, guys. Let's go ahead and put these things back, you know. Now that we're getting into summer also, you know, it's just gonna get even crazier, right? And enough grace that everyone can still be human, right? So there's gonna be days where we're gonna fall short and learning that, like, hey, we have this structure, like, get you know, get after it. Like, that's delegating, guys. That's taking more peace from you and putting pressure on other people. So this is why it's like, listen, if the laundry didn't get picked up. So it's like before we add more things into our home, look around and see what we have now that needs to actually go into its own space. ⁓ then we can then bring in more if need be. ⁓ three, what needed to be delegated? Someone can help. ⁓ at the end of the day, I have ⁓ four people in my family that actively can help. My husband my, well, ⁓ our baby eight months, so she can't really do much. So are our three other kiddos, right? ⁓ They help. Give yourself grace for it. If you had on your to-do list to run the vacuum today or to get your kids' rooms organized if you have children, you know what I mean? And that didn't happen today. Give yourself grace. Okay? And I want you to understand, friends, okay. Your if your peace depends on everything getting done, you're never gonna have peace. Promise you that. I promise you that. But if your peace comes from trusting God while faithfully stewarding what's in front of you, you will find freedom even on the messy days. So I want to invite you into this space of asking for help, asking your family members, hey guys, everybody has a role, okay, in this home. What your role is when you come in, your shoes go here. We are now gonna put our backpacks here. Okay. When we're done with our plates, we're gonna put them here. This is how you're gonna clean it off. We have a step stool now, it's by our sink. That the kids feel empowered. I love for them to feel empowered of cleaning off their plate, putting it into the dishwasher, or they can help with dishes. We also got a touch screen. I love So build the system, take ownership, ask for help, give yourself grace, and remember guys, you don't need to carry everything to be a good wife, a good mom, a good leader, or a woman of God. And I wanna talk with you guys about something that I have seen often. And this to me is like this would this just hit me. ⁓ it is called the broken window theory I don't know if you guys have ever heard of it, okay? But I wanna discuss with you what that actually means. So there was a woman that I found on social media. She has an amazing Instagram account. I can send it to you if you guys are interested. ⁓ but what she does is she creates peace where there's chaos, okay? This board. We need to implement it more. This is just like a sign for myself that I need to implement it more. ⁓ I downloaded the app onto my phone that I have on our ⁓ it's a touch screen wall organizing calendar. Everything can go from your phone to your calendar. I can sync it with my husband's calendar as well. That we can get everything in order. This is where the delegation comes in. Who goes where on what day? Okay, if we're out of something specific, this stuff goes on to. And love following her because it looks like you know she's always cleaning and she's always doing things. And I don't love to do that because there's a lot of other things that God's called for me to do, ⁓ ⁓ creates ways that it can be easier to these things. And she talked about the broken ⁓ window And this guy was so profound for me ⁓ because ⁓ it me like, wow, are actually ⁓ cleaning up making space for the day? Or are you To the wall calendar, right? It could be linked to your, you know, even your smart device that you have that you can just say, Hey, add this to my shopping list. We're delegating. If we're running out of milk, hey, can somebody add this to the shopping list? Or hey, smart device, whatever smart device you use, add this to my calendar, add this to my shopping list for the day, right? Guys, kid people wanna help. They they want the idea of having a role. So we have to give space for other people to feel that they also. You letting yesterday's mask come into today. So let's discuss what that looks like and go a little bit deeper. are contributing and then the coolest part about this wall calendar guys Is there are structures for you know your kids? This is what I love. This like it's a checklist that you can go through and they check off everything that they've done. And whenever everything is done, it sends like a reward to them. And you can work towards rewards at the end of the week. Hey, if you did this seven times this week or five times this week, on this day you get to go and you get to pick something up from the store, or you get to get something new, you get to get a new game, you get to get a new whatever. And or it could be like, hey, we're gonna have a s a day. Just me and you, you know what I mean? Whatever it looks like, guys. If we don't delegate, we are gonna feel so overwhelmed. But what we also understand is when we're delegating, we're showing them what it actually means to value the things that they have as well. Okay, so this is just really instilling in them good values, good behaviors to learn now. So that as they're growing, they're gonna learn to respect the things that they have versus just taking advantage of everything, right? And finally, what needed schedule? Guys, if I didn't have that wall calendar, it would be it would be out of sorts. But I learned how to also tell my husband, hey babe, like this is a lot for me. I need for you to do X, Y, Z, you know, on the things that matter most. You know, what doesn't matter to me is making sure that my laundry is folded perfect and put away. What does matter to me is making sure that my kids have what they need before they go to school. So I'm learning how to delegate like what matters most and what can be put on the back burner per se, if you will. You know, what can I get to today? If I get to it, awesome. If not, then that's not going to you know crush me if my you know clothes aren't perfectly organized, right? That's it. Keep it simple. We need simplicity in our lives, okay? What needs to be repaired? Number one. Number two, what needs to be removed? The unnecessary pressure, okay? Number three, what needs to be delegated? Somebody that can help, okay? And finally, number four, what can be scheduled, guys, for what matters most. That's it. Keep it simple. Because remember it's not about perfection, guys. It's about keeping your peace. And the reason I wanted to tell you guys this is because I just see it ⁓ often ⁓ where people just feel so bogged down with the They feel so bogged ⁓ ⁓ life in general. And genuinely feel ⁓ that this is something that needs to be ⁓ At the top of our priority list to do that as a woman, right, running our home, this is biblical, ⁓ this hangout today was way more ⁓ practical things we can do, but it's also just keeping it real. ⁓ But I'm leave us with a moment that I truly just feel ⁓ of letting know that you're not alone. ⁓ But like is ⁓ this is guys. Like ⁓ this is that we get to do this stuff. And I don't want you for one second to ever feel ⁓ that you You are less than because you are called to this role. You can still do so many other things, but if home isn't healthy, guys, everything else that we go out to do, it's gonna be harder to do, right? And I wanna tell you guys, I can promise you this if you are waiting for everything to be perfect before you feel the peace, you're truly gonna be waiting forever. Because there's always gonna be another load of laundry. There's always gonna be another appointment, another responsibility, another thing on your list, right? Because peace doesn't come from getting everything done, guys. Peace comes from knowing that what's most important and stupid. Rooting it well, fixing that broken window, right? So this week I want you to find the broken window in your life and repair it. Go ask for help if you need to. Give yourself grace where you need to. And remember that we were made for so much more than just surviving, you guys. We're meant to live in peace. And God has already given you that. So as we go out today, I want to pray over you. I want to believe that as you're implementing these simple systems, I pray that this blesses you, or maybe you even create your own systems. And that's awesome too, right? We're taking something we've That we've learned from someone else and we're implementing it to make sense for us because we're not here to compete or to compare or to make our lives look just like the next person, but it's about doing what's good for us. Amen. So, Jesus, I thank you for your daughters. I thank you for the ones just listening to this that just needed this word today. I thank you for the opportunity to be able to come and just keep it real, God, and to steward the opportunity of being home well, God. I thank you that you've given me that revelation, and I pray that you've given my friends that revelation today. Lord, on what it actually looks like to be at home and honoring this this opportunity to seward this well and to still go out and do the things that you've called for us to do, but to keep home healthy first. Lord, I thank you and I bless your daughters, God. Give them the peace that they need as they're hearing these words that you have given, God, today, to know that this is not a burden, Lord, but to know that this is where peace comes from. This is where joy comes from for their home, for their families, to be able To be in unity and to be able to be aligned and know that this can be the gathering space that people can come and just rest, Lord. And I pray that as they are going into the rest of their of their day, they're understanding that this moment was so intentional. And I pray that it was a heart check that allowed for them to actually see that they need to get some things in order for these broken windows to be fixed and repaired the way that you've called for it to be fixed and it should be repaired, and to have their home run the way that. You have called for them to run this home. So, Jesus, for every single person listening or watching right now, Lord, I thank you that you've brought them to this space and I pray that they've received revelation through this hangout session today. And that they know that they are not alone and it is not about perfection, but it is about regaining our peace, implementing simple systems, and doing what you've called for us to do and to create a healthy home. So we bless you today, God. I thank you for giving revelation today, and I thank you for just setting us on the right path. So we trust you. We believe in you in all things we pray in Jesus' name. Amen. I love you guys. I pray this blesses you. I pray that if this is something that you've had a revelation, send me a DM. Let me know what systems that you are implementing. What does it look like for you and your family? And hey, maybe there's someone in your life that needs this word. Would you share it with them? Would you let them know that they are also not alone? Would you also let them know that there are spaces that they can belong and that they do not have to do this thing alone, but they They can be in family and community here, right? They can they can have a space that they can come and land and know that they are not doing this thing alone, but they can be ⁓ in a space where they can get resources and real talk of people who'd have walked this and they are walking it, and we're figuring out how to be the best versions of ourselves together. Amen. I love you guys. I pray that this has blessed you. Go out and be the light and do what is best for you and your family. to create unity, home, health, happiness, and structure. And we're not here to survive, but we're here to thrive. In Jesus' name, amen. I love you guys. I'll see you on the next hangout.