Healing From When Life Made You Grow Up Too Fast - 05

Miranda Leigh: Somewhere along the way, many of us stopped living with childlike faith and started living in survival mode. Life happened, pain happened, responsibility happened, disappointment happened. The list truly goes on, right? And without realizing it, we became women carrying pressure. We were never meant to hold alone. Is anyone else with me? Guys, in this episode, we're talking about what happens when life forces you to grow up too fast and how God gently calls us back into trust, peace, softness, and dependence on him again. This conversation is for the woman who feels tired of. carrying the weight of the world. Welcome back, ma'am. I was so excited that you are here today. So If you listened in last week, we talked about childlike faith and what it means to truly trust God again with simplicity, peace, wonder, and surrender. But today, I want to talk about something that can quietly steal that childlike faith from us. Life, pain, survival mode, responsibility, all of it, right? Because I think a lot of women didn't stop trusting God intentionally. They just got tired. And that's totally Totally where I was, honestly, you guys, up until this season, when I felt like the Lord was saying, Miranda, it is time to pause and bring yourself home. And listen, guys, that did not just mean come home and be with the kids. It's saying be intentional with being right where you're at from within with me. Like, have you guys ever heard be where your feet are? Yeah. So that's kind of what I'm talking about. Like, I want to be right here, right now, and not worrying so. much about the to-do list for the day and who needs what and where I need to go. But a lot of it guys is just being intentional with our time. So before we go any deeper, let's just invite Holy Spirit into this moment because listen, I do not want to lead us into a moment together, especially when we're bringing scripture into things and we're bringing, you know, real talk about God and life. Because listen, guys, the enemy is gonna try to do what he can to derail moments with us. Okay. ⁓ Whether it's a distraction by our kids or the world needing us, but I'm just asking for us to tune into this moment right now and do what you can to just tune out. So right now, let's just invite Holy Spirit in, okay? So God I thank you so much for today. I'm just asking you to come and meet every single listener today with gentleness. God, some of us have been carrying so much pressure for so long that we don't even remember what peace feels like anymore. And I pray that today you would soften hardened places. Would you just come in calm, anxious minds and truly just remind us that we were never meant to carry a life alone? Bring healing into the woman listening to this, God, that had to grow up too fast and just remind her that she can. trust you again in Jesus' name amen okay so there's some points that I really want to discuss today guys and ⁓ when I was asking Holy Spirit like okay what do you want to do with this episode like where do you want to go and Where's a great place for us to actually get into? And honestly, from the episode last week, if you have not listened to it, I had my daughter Diana on and honestly it was such a cute episode and it's so cute and it just reminded me of you know what it actually is to be like a kid and what it is to be childlike. And again, in the episode, really guys, it just allowed for me to pause. It allowed for me to reflect on how serious I take things often and trying to keep everything, all the balls. juggling in the air. But let's be real. When we're trying to do this on our own, guys, like that's just gonna fall. It's gonna crumble. And if we don't know what it is to actually go back to being like a kid. And when I look at my kids, whether it is our eight year old down to our seven month, almost eight month old, okay, they all have a different level of dependency for us, right? Like of needing like what they need from me and my husband. And the biggest thing is you guys, like, you know, again, as the older we get and I'm Even seeing it our kids, okay. Just reflecting real quick before we get into these talking points, okay? I'm seeing that Drake, our oldest, needs something different than what Addy, our almost eight-month-old, needs, okay? And then because he's older, he's eight, right? And then Gianna, our six-year-old, needs something different than what Ellie, our four-year-old, needs, right? And I'm trying to put that into context for you guys because it's not even just an age difference, but it's just a maturity difference too, right? Which is great. You know, Addy, our seven-month-old, almost eight-month-old. can't change her own diaper, obviously. She can hold her bottle, but she can't do that, right? Whereas the older ones are more self-sufficient. The reason I'm saying that guys is because if we're even looking at ourselves from a perspective of who we are as women right now, okay. I'm a 37-year-old woman and I can tell you something. I came into like gonna keep it 100% honest with you guys. At the age of fourteen I started working. And I'm not saying that to boast. I'm saying that from a sense of like I just wanted more. I wanted to work towards a car. I wanted to, you know, get my own cell phone eventually, you know, and I took on responsibility at the age of fourteen that I probably the majority of fourteen year olds, especially nowadays, I don't really know that are doing that. And it's funny because I actually like whenever I talk to a lot of my friends, a lot of them also began working or taking on, you know, more of semi adult responsibilities at a younger age. And I think it's also back in the day, I mean, I feel like I just wanted to grow up so much faster. But now I'm looking at it and even when I look at my kids, okay, it's like, gosh, like to go back and be eight again, six, four, or almost eight months, you know, the age of my children. I'm looking at it and it's like life is so easy. And I get it. Like even with Drake, our oldest, you know, I can see that they're starting to get a little bit More pressure, sports, school, you know, things like that. But he still just takes it super easy and as it comes. And I love his childlike faith as well. Even being an eight-year-old, almost going into third grade, you know, who's gonna turn nine and all these things. But I'm like, what's so awesome about that is they remind me of what it is to just be chill, right? At 37, right now, I am not the woman who I was at honestly, even 36, which is just crazy of how the Lord has just healed so much in this past year. Praise God. And he literally gets all the glory. guys and I cannot wait to talk about my testimony because you're gonna you're gonna understand why but I'm looking back at it and I'm like man many of us enter survival mode so young you guys because of trauma dysfunction pressure divorce financial stress Toxic relationships, hyperindependence, which is totally where I was, and becoming the strong one again, which is where I was. And you know, it's like some women were little girls that were carrying adult burdens. I mean, do you guys resonate with this? Because I know I am not the only one here. I know I'm not the only one. And I will tell you, that is like so hard to actually even look back and say, Man, like there's so many layers there of all of those points that I had just mentioned there. And it's like, I feel I can find myself in every single one of those points, you know? whether it was me going through it or I've seen my friends going through it, like I can see how these moments really defined us at such a young age. You know, survival mode makes us lose softness. Can you guys agree to that one too? Man, like constant alertness or difficulty resting and fear of slowing down or needing control, which is where I was for sure. Trouble receiving help or feeling guilty for resting, also, which is where I was. And I think that's just like this performance, you know, complex, this mindset. And that's kind of what we discussed also a few episodes back. If you guys haven't listened to it, I highly encourage it because it was really powerful about what is it to actually lay that thing down. But here's the thing, guys, like when we don't have the self-awareness to actually understand what we're doing, whether we have like, you know, parents that can see this, you know, they have the capacity to actually see what's going on around their situation. So then they're not kind of putting that onto their children, which praise God for going through therapy and you know really working through deliverance ministry and inner healing which has been so powerful and I want to make this space known guys like that is so healthy if you are seeking out therapy or deliverance ministry or inner healing guys if anything that is a superpower let me tell you because you can look at the things from within you and you can say that is not God. That is not God and I can totally see where the enemy has tried to derail me at this age at that age you know through this certain situation with family or finances or you name it, right? School, bullying. My gosh, guys. Like I s I hear it all. And this was an opportunity also when I was formerly like doing hair full time. I a little bit of background, I did ⁓ I was a hairstylist for 19 years. And up until this year, I actually just kind of pumped the brakes on it because I felt like God was shutting the door. Not not completely, but allowing space for me to come home and see what was truly like What mattered most? And it was really just getting my house in order, meaning starting with me, y'all. Okay. Like starting with me, getting me in order. Am I okay? Do I need rest? What does it actually look like to act to say, no, I don't want to see a client today? No, I don't want to see a guest today. No, I don't want to go here today. Like, no, also, friends, is a complete answer. And let me just stop there. No is a complete answer, period. Okay. You do not have to explain yourself. And I think there's so many years of my life that I never want. Wanted to let anybody down. So I found myself like people pleasing because it was easier. Again, this is just coming like a trauma response when I was younger. I was told, you know, just smile, just work your way through it. Don't worry about it. Don't be overly dramatic. You guys understand what I'm saying. So that is how, you know, these the survival mode moments, you know, come in where it's like you have difficulty resting because you were never allowed to rest. You know, you have fear of slowing down because you're afraid you're gonna miss out on something or you know, some Somebody's saying that you need to go faster or you need to go harder, or you know, even trouble receiving help. That one was really hard for me, or even receiving anything. I always felt like if somebody would give me something, I'm like, ⁓ let me give them this in return as like a thank you. But I learned something in this season that God specifically said, Miranda, people are gonna, they're gonna give things to you and you just need to receive. You need to humble yourself and just receive because not everything deserves a reaction or a way that you can turn around and give something back. Like sometimes people just want to sew into you and just Love you. And I'm talking, guys. That's just something as simple as like a compliment. Okay. but now it's like I'm understanding even when someone's common complimenting me, it has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with him because he completely has healed me and set me free. Praise God. And you know, God never asked us to carry everything. And I'm gonna give you guys three scriptures that were honestly super impactful when understanding how to go in deeper into this moment. And again, I'm not calling this. A show because this is not a show, this is real life stuff, guys. This is you know, this is a moment that we all as friends here get to just come and we just get to hang out and we just get to be together. But I'm gonna tell you something, I am not going to go into this and and act like I know everything because I don't. This I this is me humbling myself and saying, if I don't have scripture to back this thing up, guys, it it's just gonna be me speaking, okay? And I don't want to just speak. to speak because I feel like that's just wasted. That's wasted space sometimes. I'm like for me personally, if I don't if it doesn't have context behind it, like a biblical context, or if God's not trying to, if he's trying to say something specific to me, ⁓ I'm backing this thing up with scripture. Okay. I'm gonna give you guys two and then I'm gonna give you my third one and I'm gonna break it down. So Matthew 11 28 Psalms 55 22 and my favorite guys Proverbs 356 and I'm gonna read Proverbs. For you guys, ⁓ you can totally go back and you can study these scriptures too, and maybe you know he'll reveal to you other things with this scripture, okay? But let me tell you, Proverbs 3, 5 through 6, and I'm reading it out of NIV. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your path straight. Okay. So literally, he's never asked us to carry everything, guys, but he's just saying, Would you submit? Would you submit to control and would you let me do? In your life, what only I can do, right? Because whenever we do that, guys, it takes the pressure off of us, you know, from needing to come and perform or, you know, just again, do the checklist. Do the the checklist of did I do all these things right? Did I make this person happy? Whatever. And he's like, no, submit it all to me. Submit it all to me and I'm gonna, I'm gonna make it all make sense, right? So that's caveating into this point, guys. And this is so beautiful. And this is honestly what I'm walking in and I'm like, ⁓ man, like I did not realize how hardened I became to certain things, honestly, out of being exhausted. So like healing often looks like becoming soft again. And what I mean by soft again is not weak, soft. And that means laughing again, resting, trusting, receiving help, slowing down, enjoying motherhood again, or if you're not a mom yet, like be a f being a friend, or maybe you're an auntie that you want to go and you want to visit those kiddos, or maybe you're a grandma that you're gonna give yourself space ⁓ to actually go and and have the capacity. for your grandkids, you know, and not constantly bracing for impact. That's so awesome. And even saying those points, guys, it just makes me I feel like I'm saying it with a smile now because I get it. Like I I'm totally understanding what God was doing in those moments and Like, let me tell you, you know, truth truth to be told, okay. I'm gonna just keep it 100 with you guys because there's so much of my life that the Lord has healed me from. And I feel like I was addicted to work. I was addicted to this like performance mentality where it was like you just go, go, go, go, go, and you're serving, serving, serving, and then all of a sudden you're working twelve and thirteen hour days. Now, this is prior to having kids and even meeting Bill, my husband, you know. And I remember when I was first starting my studio, you know. when you are becoming an entrepreneur, you're thinking that you need to go, you know, pedal to the metal. Like you have to accept every guest that submits a request to be able to be in your chair. This was for me, again, being a hairstylist, you know, whatever it looks like for you guys, you know, fill in the blank, right? But what that looked like for me, you guys, was like running on such go mode where it's like, guys, I did not even carve out time for a lunch break. I remember it was like, did you even go to the bathroom today? Like, I don't even remember going to the bathroom. You know what I mean? And ⁓ there's something to be said about that, which is like, I'm realizing like you might have your my bank account might be reflecting as if you have quote unquote worldly success. Okay. But let me tell you something, guys. I was exhausted. But at the same point, guys, I knew Jesus. I knew him. I just Just was not known by him, okay? Like I totally, truthfully, my whole life, I've loved Jesus. I've loved God and not to this extent of where I'm at now because honestly, it was maturing. As I told you guys earlier, there's a difference between Addy, our baby, and Drake, our eight-year-old. It just comes with maturity, okay? But what I want to tell you guys about that is there's so much beauty that can come out of spiritually maturing. It's not just age maturing because let's be 100% here, guys. I can guarantee you that you know people, okay? This is not a judgy moment, but this is just keeping it 100 with you guys, right? We know people that are a certain age and they do not act their age, okay? ⁓ I know older people that do not act their age, and I'm like, dude, like what is up with this? You know what I mean? You're thinking you're just because you're older, you have more wisdom. That's not always true, okay? Because it takes you being intentional with looking from within and saying, ⁓ man, like, are there areas of my life that I need I need healing from, right? Like, am I truly inviting God in or am I just trying to be like this superhero savior complex of My own and like self-idolizing myself of being you know the one who can go and fix it and the one who can go and do all of these things, right? Or am I actually letting God be God? And there was a moment specifically in my life, and it was honestly, ⁓ my gosh, I cannot wait to just go deeper with these just this testimony because it's just epic. But there was a moment, and I will talk about this in the future, but I'm just gonna give you a little bit of just ⁓ a little taste of it. But I remember even Becoming helicopter mom to my brother, you know. My gosh, it was I was literally, you guys, like 17 years old. And I specifically remember that moment where I was never invited into that space to do it, I just did it, right? ⁓ and I did not realize that that was just that was causing division between he and I. That was although like we he is my best friend right now, and despite everything that we've gone through, I thank you that Jesus has healed us. And if you guys know, you know exactly what I'm talking about. And I'm gonna have him on our hangout here. On the pod, and I'm gonna allow for Jay to speak about his story of redemption because it is so beautiful and everyone needs to hear what God did. I mean, he's just so awesome. But ⁓ the reason I'm saying that is because I can laugh again, guys. I can trust again, I can receive help. I mean, I I'm loving being a mom. Like, guys, there's times where I'm now working maybe two days a week. And instead of worrying about the bank account of like where the money's coming from, God just provides. And I'm just keeping it freaking real with you guys about that. Like, it is so true. Whenever you can deplug from the busyness and the chaos of the world, and you can just come back and say, Okay, like, what do I need as a woman? In this season. And it might not look like you going part-time at work. It just might look like you having different boundaries. You know, it just might look like that you are not going to work as late in the evening. It might look like, you know, you are now gonna not take, you know, moments on the weekends away from your family if you have a family or if you're believing and you know, in waiting, you know, to just be busy. There's sometimes you guys on a Saturday where my favorite thing to do is nothing with my family, you know, we can. Sleep in and we can cook brunch together, you know what I mean? Like nobody's on a time schedule, and it is so awesome and so healing because the old me was like, I gotta get up early, gotta go to the gym, gotta get to the studio by eight o'clock in the morning and see my first guest at you know eight thirty and get things moving, and I'm not done until nine o'clock at night, you know. And it's like, let me tell you something. There's something so beautiful about just being able to rest and being able to, you know, say if I I need a minute. I'm taking a minute. You know, after I get home from a long day, I, you know, with having conversation with my husband, I'm like, listen, like, I need to just to go bath. I need to go and get a coffee by myself. I need to just go up and take an hour nap. You know what I mean? And I think there's something, again, beautiful about Having those healthy conversations with your partner. Again, you know, Bill and I are in this different season. We've been married nine years. Praise God for that. And it is the grace of God that we are still here. And I cannot wait to also have him on to share with you guys, you know, what God has done in that, which is so awesome also. But let me tell you, it comes like these great things start to happen when you heal. Okay. I'm realizing that I don't need to keep, you know, control of everything. I just needed it to ro to release. And that's really what God's just inviting us all into in this season. And I want to just pause for a minute. And I'm just gonna ask you to just look from within, okay? Guys. Is there a woman in your life that is just popping up the in your head and or in your heart who has been caring too much for too long? Whether it's mom, a sister, a friend? You know, someone silently holding everything together. If so, I want to encourage you just to pause what you're doing, send this episode to her. Okay. Because sometimes people don't need a fixing. They just need to know that they're not alone. And I will tell you, like podcasting is one of my favorite things to do when I am in the car because I want to plug into things that are actually gonna allow for me to grow. And I love whenever friends send me things because they're like, Merida, I know you're into this, like I know that this would benefit you. So I wanna just really just quickly encourage you. Because I feel like the more women we have the opportunity to share these moments with guys, the more women that are be able to give themselves space to pause and look within and say, actually, is the way that I'm going the way that I should go? You know, is this the way that heaven's telling me to go? Or is this what I'm trying to control? Right? And again, guys, whether you have a relationship with the Lord or not, I wanna tell you something. You can only do this for so long until you're gonna burn out. And for me, if I did not have my relationship with God, I would be so freaking burned out, I cannot even tell you because I have been there where I've kno I knew God, I could I would say that I was a Christian, but was I actually living it? Just being completely transparent with you guys. So I want to also invite you guys into a space right now and just give us a moment to reflect on some things. So was there a time In your life that either you know of, or you're gonna invite yourself into that space of just like ask Holy Spirit, when did I stop feeling spay or safe to rest? Guys, when did you stop feeling safe to rest? And again, for me, 100%, it was when I was 14. Okay. But I remember at the age of seven, guys, I was doing a singing competition. And for those of you who do not know, I absolutely love worship. God has put worship in my heart ever since I feel like I could talk right at the time there was a time when I was younger that I wanted to be known for singing right but that's also just so worldly because that's all I knew right but I always loved the idea of you know what could it look like if it was done in a different perspective you know not just the way that the world was doing it. I did not realize that that would lead me into worship. And now I have an opportunity of and it was prophesied over me a couple times actually four times. of creating a worship healing album, which is really cool. ⁓ so I'm just believing that God's just gonna make that path straight whenever he is ready. But let me tell you, your girl is journaling. I am going into it, but it but again at the age of seven, I was at I had an opportunity to be at a singing competition. And I remember that I made my way on stage because it was time to go. And the song started and I froze. I absolutely froze. So it was pure stage fright. I had no idea, you know, honest honest to God, you guys, like that for the longest time, like that song would haunt me. And I feel like I suppressed that moment out. Like in me, where it was like it was out of my mind, out of sight, out of mind, right? But I remember that was at the age. of seven and I remember looking over to stage right at my mom and ⁓ she was there with me and I remember seeing this look on her face of just like sheer panic where now that I understand after healing and talking things through with her, praise God, you know, I realized that she was just trying to protect me. But I felt like I totally let her down then. Okay. So I remember even just through my healing, ⁓ through therapy and again inner healing, it was like the age of seven is when I noticed that it like it when I started Like that's whenever I stopped feeling safe to rest. You know? And it leads me into my next point. Guys, what are we carrying that God never asked us to carry? What are you carrying? You know, and I told you guys just 100% transparency. Okay. Like I became a helicopter mother. to my brother, you know, at the age of 17. Like I never needed to do that, but I did. Right. And I was carrying that burden for so long. And when he was in the thick the thick of going through it in life, ⁓ I felt so much weight on that. But it was like, d I dude, like this isn't even mine to carry. Like what the heck, right? So again that question, what am I carrying that God never asked me to carry? Stop and pause. Say it out loud. Because I want to tell you something also, guys, with all these questions, there's something so healing about saying it out loud. Have I been surviving or truly living? Ask yourself that. Have I been surviving or truly living? And I was in survival mode for so long. So this is why, and the reason I'm giving you guys my moments here, my takes on it, is to let you know that you are not alone. ⁓ I was so surviving, guys, for the majority of my life, honest to God. Didn't realize it until healing, praise God, but yeah. And finally, what would childlike trust look like in my life today? What would it look like? If you could pause and allow yourself just to come back, allow yourself to come back to being a kid. What does it look like? Would you be able to just not like decompress from work? Would you be able to shut your phone off? Would you be able to not scroll on social and be able to like go outside and enjoy a walk? Would you be able to, you know, do things without trying to perform or trying to fix? Like, would you be able to do that? Would you also be able to trust your Heavenly Father at the fact that if he says, Go to work part-time, would you be able to trust your finances? Would you be able to trust your spouse be able being able to be in the role that your spouse is supposed to be in versus you trying to control it? Would you be able to do that, guys? You know, because I think at the end of the day, some of the holiest healing that God does is teaching strong women like all of us that they no longer have to live in survival mode and praise God for that. You don't always have to brace for impact, you don't always have to hold everything together. You, my friend, You are allowed to breathe again. You are allowed to trust again. You are allowed to become soft again. And remember, softness does not mean weakness, guys. If anything, that is so much strength that you are giving to yourself about giving yourself a moment to rest. And to come and to truly be able just to be. So I pray that this blessed you today. And as we are closing out, I just want to thank the Lord for just bringing you guys here. Because honestly, even having this time with you has just caused for me to reflect also in such an awesome way of gratitude. And I pray that you are feeling that too. I pray that you are feeling weight lifted off of your shoulders that you can breathe and those lungs will expand and you can really just take in the oxygen. Understand. And that is the breath of God. You are still living, standing, breathing for a reason, guys. So just know that no matter what you've gone through in life, nothing is wasted. So let's just close us out and let's go about our day. But I pray that as you go about the rest of your day, guys, I pray that you are just focusing on being childlike, leading yourself into you know this next chapter of your life, understanding that just because life made you grow up too fast does not mean that you cannot take this moment and rewrite. Write the story. Come back to being a child again, guys, and just receive everything good that God has for you because He has so much far beyond anything that we can even comprehend. So, God, I thank you. ⁓ gosh, I thank you so much, God, for everything today. I pray for every exhausted woman listening today. God, the woman who might still be carrying the invisible weight, the woman who might still feel responsible for everyone, or the woman who who have learned that survival mode was the mode that she needed to be in instead of rest. God, would you teach us how to trust you again? Heal the places where fear taught us control. God, would you restore all softness where survival hardened us, Lord? And would you remind us that we do not have to carry life alone anymore? In Jesus' My day name. Amen. Amen. Amen. I love you guys so much. Thank you so much for being here and hanging out with me today and growing with me through these conversations. Honestly, it's it just means the world to me. And listen, if this moment, this hangout spoke to your heart, and I'm really want to encourage you, maybe share it with someone who may need this reminder too. Also, send me a message. Truly. Like, listen, if there is a topic that has been on your heart, something that women need to talk about more deeply, I want to hear it. Because remember, guys, this podcast is. not just about me. It's about us. But truthfully, this is about God getting the glory. So I'm so excited about all of it. This is creating a space where women feel seen, encouraged, healed, and reminded that they were always made for so much more. I love you guys. I'm here for you. Truly I'm here for you. And I'm so proud of you. If no one's told you yet today, I'm proud of you. I love you and I cannot wait to see you on the next podcast.