The Questions We Avoid After Survival Mode - 06

Miranda Leigh: Sometimes surviving for so long teaches us how to function, but not how to truly feel. After years of growing up too fast and carrying too much and becoming strong out of necessity, many women never stop long enough to ask themselves, like, am I actually okay? Who did survival mode turn me into? What parts of me did I lose trying to make it through? And what would healing actually look like? So, guys, if any of this resonates with you, you are right where you need to be because this episode creates space for honesty, reflection, and emotional reconnection. So, welcome in to Made for More. I am so excited that you are here. ⁓ my goodness, guys, I feel like last week, last episode, whether you tuned in last week or whether you were here just listening from episode to episode. I know it's so cool because people have been like Miranda, I can't stop listening to this because I feel like Holy Spirit. Is giving me this download, you guys, of you know, ways to transition from space to space that we can all create space to heal, right? And versus it being moments that are just where is this shit going? Right. I really feel like there is a methodical plan behind this, and I'm so excited that he has been so intentional and we are just here doing this. So, guys, last episode we talked about what happens when life makes you grow up too fast. Because let's be real, this happens often to a lot of people, and I am down. Definitely one of them, but how many of us became strong before we ever felt safe? Or how did survival mode become normal to us, right? How did responsibility replace softness? Guys, but what happens after that? What happens when the chaos slows down, when the kids go to bed, when you D your phone, when the room finally gets quiet and we're left alone with ourselves again? Like, what happens? Because I think a lot of women know how to survive, but they don't know how to How to actually slow down long enough to ask themselves what survival mode actually did to them? You know, and I think that that's where this conversation begins today, which is so exciting, and I'm so happy that you're here. So let me ask you, friend, who did you become to survive? So think about it. Did you ever enter this season of your life where you became maybe hyper-independent or your emotional walls went so high that nobody could get through to this? You know, nobody's Gonna get through here to to hurt me again. Nobody's going to get too close. Did you have control? Were you overfunctioning? Did you have dis difficulty resting? Because that's totally where I was. That it was so hard to even just D into your mind, right? Did you ever feel guilty when trying to slow down? Or becoming needed by everybody, guys? Whenever we're becoming needed by everybody, it's like you can't even be there for yourself, let's be real. So my question to you guys, as we are like going into this moment together, I To ask you, who did you have to become just to make it through? Who did you have to become? Like, do you even know how to rest anymore? Because the world says it's better just to go and just to, you know, get that get that to-do list all done today versus saying what needs to be done and what can wait. Guys, when was the last time that you felt emotionally safe? This is another one, and this is the one that hit. Do you feel loved or just needed? That one was a hard one. Have you ever become so strong that nobody realizes that you're tired? Yes. I'm so there. I'm so there. And these questions are not just questions that I'm sitting here asking you. Like these are questions that I've even asked myself. Like Have you become so strong that nobody realizes you're tired? Yeah, absolutely. You know, because it's I feel like sometimes people think that like this is just coming from me, that I wear like a superhero cape. And I can get it all done and I can be everything for everybody. But let's be real guys, like Motherhood, like this is a whole other beast. Like this is a whole other part of you that is really it's hard to be able to manage. But you know what? This is the other thing. This is why God has created us to have spouses, right? Partners that can help carry the load. And even bringing on like other people, right? That are those pillars, those emotional pillars that we need whenever we can't handle it, you know, or say if something's going on with your with your spouse, if you are married, you know what I mean, and they're not able to help with the kids. There's other people that I feel like God blesses in our lives. But we have to be willing to ask for help, you know, whenever we are tired, to say, hey, like, do you mind sitting with the kids for a little bit? Or do you mind just, you know, coming and the kids can have a play date just so I can get a minute just to rest? Like there's it's so hard to actually, you know, be intentional about that. But let me tell you, that is your superpower. That is your strength. Whenever you can say, I can't do this alone, but I need help. Right? So have you ever became so strong that nobody realizes it? That you're tired. Yeah, absolutely. And again, I'm I'm asking you guys these questions because these are questions that I asked myself too. It's like, are you actually practicing what you're preaching? You know? And I really want you guys to think about this. So let me ask you guys, what are you avoiding? So this moment is gonna come like very deeply reflected to you, okay? And I really hope that you're just leaning in, okay? I want you guys to to sit here. And think about this for one second, you know, in and amongst all the busy schedules and social media and all the noise in the world and Constant productivity, you know, I think that there's times in our lives, guys, that that can become emotional avoidance. And I don't know about you, but I have totally been there where it's like it's easier to just go on to the next thing versus actually looking from within and reflecting and you know, truly seeing, is there something here that I'm avoiding, or is it easier just to stay busy to not have to look at that thing? You know what I mean? So there's a lot of times, guys, when we are, you know, navigating moments like this of avoidance where it's like we stay so busy that we don't have to feel. Or strong women often suppress pain. And that is something that I feel like I navigated for so long that it's like you can only suppress it for so long. And then you become like this crock pot of just emotion, where it's like if you don't release that pressure, it's gonna release on its own, right? And so ⁓ there's a lot of power when you can really learn to open up and release it versus just suppressing. You know, and that is learned through ⁓ just being real with moments and and and honestly like keeping it real with yourself and saying, like, is this something that I need to actually deal with right now? Am I avoiding this or can I actually like lay this thing down? You know, and this is honestly what God has invited us into is to lay this thing down, you know? Because many women are functioning while ⁓ they're emotionally exhausted and let's be a hundred percent honest. Like that is where I was for so many years and I'm so excited that God's grace is just, you know, here and We just have to say, God, I can't do this anymore. You know, but the first thing, guys, in order for all this to happen, healing requires honesty. Okay. So we're gonna get into it. Okay. Like, I really want to get into this before we go even deeper with these questions. And if this is resonating with you, I want to encourage you guys, send this to somebody right now that you know could really benefit from knowing that they're not alone in these moments. And you know, if you if you feel that like a woman is carrying too much pressure or too much of just whatever, let her know that she's Not alone, right? Let her know that she's not alone. ⁓ because this moment is so powerful when we can really understand how to get a hold of these feelings, how to get a hold of these emotions and release it so as actually not weighing us down anymore. So before we get into any form of question, I just want to invite Holy Spirit in ⁓ over you wherever you are today. Like these talking points are great, but at the end of the day, if we don't have Holy Spirit here, nothing else matters, right? So ⁓ whether you are driving, whether you are cooking, whether you are doing whatever. Whatever you were doing, an errand. I just want to invite Holy Spirit in right where you're at right now. And just I pray that peace is just on you. So Holy Spirit, I thank you for coming into this moment. God, I thank you that we have intentional time here with you today. I thank you that you have just ordained every single person that is listening today, Lord, to the word. That you are saying through me, Jesus. I thank you that you have done everything for us that we don't have to worry about this stuff, Lord. And I pray that we become less of a human doers, per se, right? And and can become more of just human beings, right? And and can be more of just your kids and just be intentional with being right here, right now. Lord, I pray peace over every single listener, wherever they are coming in from, God, whatever it is that they are going through. Would you just let them know that they are not alone? Would you just, I pray, God, that your peace just it just comes in just floods them. So Lord, we just give you all the praise, honor, and glory. We know that you're going to do wild things through this movement. We knew that you're going to do wild things through this moment right now. And I just thank you for your son or daughter listening, God, because I know that there's going to be so much impact in their life, Lord, if they're willing to just look from within, God, and just to release what is not for them. So come and do what only you can do in Jesus' mighty name. Amen. Let's go. Alright, friends, so buckle up. Because these questions are they're they're definitely deeper. ⁓ but I'm telling you, the more that we can get real with this, you guys, the more we're just gonna heal, the more that we are gonna get strength, and the more that we are just going to be become so much more equipped and really be able to lean into what God has for us and what a part of your mission is here in this season. Okay. So I want to ask you, what emotion have you been avoiding lately? I'm gonna pause and I want you guys to so Look from within. What emotion have you been avoiding lately? And honestly, guys, mine was just the emotion of just like emotional release of ⁓ if I I'm feeling pressure of whatever, you know, whatever type, whether it be a fear or whatever. There's times where I feel like I wanna cry and I won't allow myself to cry. But here's the thing about crying, my body needs to release it to be able just to get this thing out. And I'm not even crying that the dishes aren't done or I'm not crying because the house is a mess the majority of the time. Cause when you put it together, you know, it's like a chaos tornado because we have four kids. And let's be real, ⁓ like that's okay. I'm learning that that's okay, but I have to learn also too to not be so as I I talk about this in the episode whenever Gianna was on. I don't want to be so much of an adult that I'm forgetting what it is to be like a child and just like not worry about those things. But realizing that there's a lot of times where I'm feeling that pressure and I just need to release it. So that's definitely something for me. So I don't know what it is for you, but I'm gonna invite you into these moments and I'm gonna share these moments with you too again, just so you guys know that you're not alone in this. So what hurts hurts that you keep pretending doesn't hurt you? What hurts? hurts that you keep pretending doesn't hurt you. To you know, for me to again I'm gonna go back to the house situation just because this is just what's popping up in my head right now. ⁓ because the Lord has brought me out of a full time job to be at home more with the kids ⁓ and to get our house in order. And that's literally what I heard him say, like get your house in order. And I'm like, okay, I don't really understand. It's not just organization, it's like my house from within. And I think what hurts me that I keep pretending doesn't is like when I feel that when I get organization going in the house and the majority of people in our home don't honor that. Now, granted, a lot of it is like our children. Right. But it it's hard to sit there and think that like, like I know I'm saying this and I know you're hearing me, but it hurts me when I feel like the things that we have are not respected because like we've worked very hard to get these things that we've had. And like Holy Spirit, obviously, praise God, God has given us everything that we w we've needed, right? but I gotta be real with you guys, like it really hurts me. you know, at times in life whenever I feel like that things are not being respected, you know, the way that I'll respect things. But again, we're all humans, right? Human beings versus human doings, so that's definitely something that I keep working on. So what what is that for you? So what would happen if you finally admitted that you were tired? For me, that I was almost afraid to say that I was tired because it would look like a form of weakness. But I feel like it was so awesome with working through this, you know, especially having like a better relationship with my husband and just being a hundred percent honest with him. There's times where I was I just need a a nap, and he's like, just take it. Right. I don't know why I put this pressure on myself of making it look like, well, you know, is he gonna think that I'm lazy or is he gonna think that I'm weak? Well, whatever. You know what I mean? So what hap what would happen if you finally admitted that you were tired. ⁓ what happened for me is I gained peace back. So that was kind of awesome. So it's really cool to see that like what's on the other side of our worry, right? All right, let's move on. Do you know who you are outside of what you do for everyone else? Me guys, truthfully, because I felt like a fixer for so many years of my life, but I realized that God didn't call me to fix people. God didn't call me to fix situations. He called me to be a helper. But he he said that like, let me be God. And I audibly remember you guys. I don't know if you've ever heard, like, if you've ever heard God like that, but like having an audible moment with the Lord of like as loud as I'm speaking to you right now, I remember hearing that for the first time, and I was like, what the heck? Like, let me be God. You be you, let me be God. And who I am outside of what I do for everyone else. I'm not just a mom and I'm not just a wife. I'm not just a hairstylist or now a podcaster and all these things. Like I am first the child of a king. So I have to position myself like that. I have to walk like that. I have to know who I am in that. So yeah, I would say that more than that, I I am just, I want to be a sounding board for people, right? But I can't be all of these things for everyone when I'm not tuning into myself. So this is why I really feel like in this season of being intentional. of like not avoiding anymore, but looking at where are those gaps? Like what can I do that's better? Guys, it's only gonna equip us more, it's only gonna strengthen us more and honestly create more space for us to heal, but give space for other people to heal, you know, alongside of us. And finally, are you living connected or distracted? Connected or distracted. Man, guys, for the longest time I was distracted. I thought I was connecting and engaging and being there and doing everything for everyone, but at the end of the day, I was like, holy man, I'm not connecting from within. So at the end of the day, it didn't matter what I was doing for everybody else. I I was not able to be there for me. So at the end of the day, like was that actually valuing me? Like was that valuable to that moment? I wasn't valuing myself or my time because I was just giving it freely to everyone else and everything else versus really just being intentional. with pouring into myself. So I just wanna let you know if you say either one of those, you're not alone. You are not alone. So this is where I really want us to get a little bit more creative with how we are having these moments together, right? Because again, like you guys are hearing me talk like one on one and you're gonna hear other people come on in the future. And I believe that like God is giving me just heavenly downloads of the people that He wants you to hear, right? But I don't want this to be a moment that we I just talk at you. Like I want this to actually be a moment that we process things together. So after this episode, I want you to DM me one thing guys. What is one question that you have been avoiding asking yourself lately? No pressure, you know, no perfect answers, just honesty. Because I want to let you guys know again, this is not just a thing that like you're just listening to somebody, but like we are actually healing and growing together. Okay. So just know that that is something, you know, when we can actually be real with moments, like There's so much healing that can come from that. So maybe, just maybe, this could be a moment that that thing is gonna break off of you whenever you can keep it real and realize, man, I didn't realize that I was avoiding this. And man, maybe that's why I've been popping off a lot more lately, or maybe that's why I can't sleep well, or maybe that's why I feel like I'm just not getting it fulfilled because the one thing that I'm avoiding is actually the one thing that I needed to navigate and work through to actually get to healing. So I wanna meet you guys right there because you're not alone. that and the one thing that I was avoiding you guys was honestly being intentional with sitting down and doing this. God has given me this this moment to hang out with you guys for honestly probably a year and a half. And just because I was so busy, quote unquote busy with other things, I never was able to make the space for it. But now I feel like because of doing intentional healing and doing intentional moments with just like keeping it real with myself, that has now given me the space and the capacity to be able to be here with you guys. Right. And just just as it is, like raw, you know, there's gonna be times where things are gonna mess up or the audio might be whatever. And I'm learning that it's not about perfection, guys. It is about being real and being okay with right where we're at. And that is the same, not even just for me podcasting. That is for you guys being right where you're at. Whether you are in your season of singleness or you are in your season of grief or a season of divorce or a season of starting it over again or a season of schooling and it's really difficult. You know, a season of motherhood or a season of grieving moments that are really hard of loss, you know, whether you are that CEO that you are sick of the grind and you have all of this in your bank account that in the worldly sense it looks like you are so successful. But on the inside, you were just craving more. And I truly feel like all of these things, no matter where you align, you know, and land on that spectrum of what I just said, or if there's something that I had missed, I need you to know that you were not alone. Because in those moments when we can just deal with that moment of what is that one thing that I'm avoiding, guys? God can meet us in our honesty. Okay. And this is where I want to bring you guys back to peace and hope. Okay, those those questions are hard. Those questions are really hard because we're forced to look from within. And guys, that is not always easy. And it won't always be easy. I I I know that, right? And I gave you guys a couple scriptures, you know, last I'm gonna say last week, but let's be real. Like I'm just putting these out whenever Holy Spirit is just giving me to put them out. ⁓ so last episode, I gave you a couple scriptures. And if you guys listened to the or like looked it up, listened to this, you know, podcast and you looked it up, ⁓ that's great. But I want to give you four more. ⁓ that's gonna lean into this moment that God is not asking us to pretend that we're okay, guys. He wants us to surrender, he wants honesty and he wants connection. And I want you guys to to go to these moments if you feel led to and really just uncover it deeper. You know, we won't get into it here because I wanna keep these moments digestible for you guys and just like a real talk with a with a girlfriend. But if you want to go a little bit deeper, these are the scriptures that I really think that could be really beneficial to you of pretending that you're not okay. You know, whenever he's asking us to to pretend ⁓ he's not asking us to pretend that we're not okay. But he wants our surrender. He wants our honesty and he wants our connection. So even when we are out here pretending that like ⁓ everything is good, like listen, he wants us to come back to surrender, honesty, and connection. And I really think that these scriptures will really kind of help back up. So it's Psalm ⁓ 34, 18. Matthew 11, 28, 2 Corinthians 12, 9, and my absolute favorite, Proverbs 3, 5, and 6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will direct your path. And I thank you, Jesus, for that. Remember, anytime I'm saying scripture, and I'm saying this off the top of my head, so I'm not gonna lie, I don't even remember what translation that is in, or if I paraphrased it, but you understand. actually I'm gonna pause real quick because I want to. pull that up because that actually is important to me to understand where we're at in so I usually read NIV. I'm not sure what you guys usually read, but that one is really powerful for me. And we're gonna go to Proverbs 3, 5, 6 because I feel like that this is ⁓ a really powerful one. That the majority of us are like man What is this? So this is Proverbs 3, 5, and 6 in NIV. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your path straight. And you guys, I'm not sure ⁓ again what translations you guys are in, but it's cool to actually understand different translations because that'll take you to it gives you a little bit of deeper context. So let me actually just pull up ⁓ like a moment here. even the passion, right? Three, five, and six. This is a really good one, guys. In Passion, the Passion Translation, Proverbs 3, 5, and 6. Trust in the Lord completely and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart, rely on Him to guide you, and He will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with Him in whatever you do, and He will lead you wherever you go. Do you guys see what I'm saying there whenever you're reading different translations? And it's so cool to actually understand, like, He's got you. So why are we sitting here trying to figure all of this? Stuff out on our own, guys. At the end of the day, he has us, right? God can heal what we stop hiding. Vulnerability is not weakness, guys. Like it's 100% not weakness. If anything I've, again, it is so much, you're gonna gain so much from being real. You know, because Jesus often asks people questions before healing them. Like, do you want to be healed? Your mat and lock. Like, do you want this? Do you actually want to be better? Do you actually want to heal through what you're going through? Because healing starts with awareness. And if we are not aware, guys, it's gonna be really difficult to actually be able to navigate. Like, what are we avoiding if we're not being real? If we're just sitting here saying, everything's okay, I'm good, right? Anybody can say that, but at the end of the day, outward appearance can look good, guys. But on the inside, that is what like that's what really matters is like you can be good on the outside. On the inside, you're you're just like you feel like you're slowly crumbling, and I'm just here to invite you into this space to say that you're not alone, okay? But like God wants to heal that. So I want to ask you guys: what if healing starts by telling the truth? You know, and what if like rest isn't laziness? What if God never asked you to carry all of this alone? Right, and what if the strongest thing that you could do is finally let yourself feel? What if the strongest thing you could do is finally let yourself feel? Guys, the power that comes on you when you give yourself space to actually feel and process what you are feeling, whether it is good, bad, indifferent, whatever. I say like I wanna feel no matter what, if I am in the valley or if I'm on the mountaintop. Like I don't want to sit here and always expect to be on cloud nine because we are human and we let's just be real, that's not gonna happen all the time. But I wanna be here to encourage you guys. Like there is something to be said. About those moments of when you can actually feel those tears coming on and just releasing it, or you feel the anger and you just need to scream into a pillow and just release it, you know. And maybe, you know, it maybe a lot of it is just like, hey, instead of just having this emotional, you know, or physical response, maybe you just need to go outside and take a breath and and like sit in nature, or take a minute before popping off and just really realign yourself ⁓ to feel what you're feeling and then actually allow. The words to come out that are loving versus just out of exhaustion or just pure frustration, you know? So maybe today wasn't about fixing everything. Maybe it was just simply about finally becoming aware of what's happening inside you. And if that's where you are today, friend, that is okay. Because you do not have to have every answer right now. You do not have to stop running. In the opposite direction, guys. You don't. You just have to stop running long enough to let God meet you where you actually are. So, and the other thing that I love, guys, is no matter how far off course you ever feel like you run or that you get, God is here to bring your paths straight, to make your paths straight, guys, if you just allow him to. So I pray this blessed you today. I was so excited that you were here with me today. And we really just had a moment just to keep it real and just to Just encourage one another and to challenge one another and truly I pray that it made you feel seen today. I want you to send this to somebody that you love or share it in your story so we can continue these conversations together, guys, because I feel like there's so many cool things that God wants his his daughters specifically, but there's also men on here that listen much. I love you guys. I'm so grateful for you and I'm we're gonna bring some guys on the pod in the future. But right now, this might encourage you for your future spouse. Maybe it's gonna encourage you. Maybe it's gonna encourage encourage another woman in your life. So share it with them then. But women. I'm speaking to you right now. This is our moment to rise up. This is our moment to know that it is okay to not be okay for real. And not just using that as a little cliche word, but just keeping it keeping it real, guys. Like it's okay if we need a break. It's okay for rest. It's okay to say no. And as I mentioned before, no is a complete sentence. I mentioned that in the last hangout that we had together. It's complete. You don't have to feel bad for it. You don't have to make excuses for it. Like no just means I'm gonna say yes. to me, which is such a blessing. Guys, remember that you were never created just to survive this life, but you are made for so much more. So let's go after it with every bit of our heart and trust that God has so much amazing moments, so many amazing moments and so much goodness in store for you. I'm so excited for you. I love you. And listen if this podcast has been ex in encouraging or exciting for you or you feel led to support the mission, there's always space to partner. with what we're building together. But more than anything, guys, I thank you so much for being here with me, sharing these conversations and helping this message reach the women who need it most. I love you guys and I cannot wait to be back with you again soon.